Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Megan Boone

Director: Patrick Lussier

Writers: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith

Cinematography: Brian Pearson

Original Score: Michael Wandmacher

Running Time: 101 Mins.

Ok, lets get one thing straight, were My Bloody Valentine not in 3d, quite frankly it would be well and truly relegated to the bottom shelf of your local Blockbuster for the perusal of teenage girls on sleepovers and chavs. As it is I felt compelled to sit through an hour and a half’s worth of below par slasher fare, the likes of which would have been considered poor in the early 90’s! But hey i should really cut a little slack, it’s in 3D after all.

So as with all slasher films theres a killer, a small town, a bunch of ‘kids’ with model looks that can’t act and a totally blatantly obvious whodunnit, throw in a smattering of ott gore and possibly the most gratuitous nude scene ever and your onto a licence to print money. Thing is this formula needs to be done with some style and a bit of inginuity, something fresh for us to get stuck into, Saw had some style and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake had some fantastic direction and a real buzz about it, My Bloody Valentine 3D has neither of those, but once again, it’s in 3D, so who’s going to care about its filmic misgivings…

Me, for one, and so should you, the 3D aspect of the film is fine, in fact the technology itself has been pretty much perfected, and it does lend itself to horror, but for more than just pointing things at you from the screen, surely 3D should make the cinema going experience more imersive, taking you into the world of the film, not just using you as an audience to poke things at. You see the killer in this case uses a pick-axe, seemingly for maximum poking effect, yes there are a few jumps to be had from the axe spinning its way towards you and eyeballs and blood splattered in your direction, but thats it, thats all you get for your extre £1.50.

Hardly seems fair does it, now the liklihood is most people seeing My Bloody Valentine 3D will be in awe due to the fact they havent seen a 3D film before, but this year holds in its grasp approximately 8 3D films all of which I’d guarantee will be better than this, using the technology to better effect, hell James Cameron’s Avator could even change the face of cinema with the use of 3D…his words, not mine!

So you see, take one poor slasher film add a gimmick and what do you get…


The 3D gimmick just about holds your attention, just! But overall slasher fans should feel robbed, and those seeking the 3D experience wait for next weeks Bolt, it will probably be a damn sight scarier too!